Turning my Battle Scars into Beauty Marks: How I found my beauty when feeling pretty was hard.

When someone tells me that I’m beautiful, I thank them. I don’t deny it. I agree with them. I AM beautiful.

You must think I’m vain.

So what SHOULD I do then? Disagree? Dismiss their comment? Blow it off and say “Oh please, you’re too kind”.

It shouldn’t be taboo for a woman to own her beauty. If she doesn’t, then someone else will own it. And if someone else owns it, then she no longer controls it. And the one who controls it will then have control over her.

So, no Thank You.

I claim my place as the rightful owner of my beauty.

But I wasn’t always this secure.

I fought plenty of battles in the battlefield of beauty. And I was defeated countless times. But I did not give up on myself. The struggles I experienced with my physical appearance only led me to explore deeper within myself to discover who I was underneath it all.

In fact, not feeling pretty is probably one of the best experiences I could’ve had. I’m actually grateful for the times when it hurt to look in the mirror. Of course it totally sucked when I was going through it. But it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

Because my confidence was not built by the image that reflected back at me when I looked in the mirror. My confidence was built on who I was when I closed my eyes and sat in silence with myself.

Instead of becoming preoccupied with my looks and what they could or couldn’t get me, I became acquainted with my personality. I was able to experiment with my skillful use of humor, my irresistible charm, and my timely sense of wit. In other words, I couldn’t depend on prettiness to pave my way. I was left to discover personal qualities that I may have never appreciated if I had my prettiness as a crutch to lean on. And guess what?

My flaws led me to my flava.

Being uncomfortable in my skin left me with no place to hide but my personality. And I may not have felt too hot on the outside, but it helped me discover just how cool I was on the inside.

With that being said, let me fill you in on one of the things I was dealing with on the outside….

My battle with Acne

I ain’t talking about the preadolescent baby bumps on the forehead and blackheads on the nose. I’m talking about CYSTIC ACNE. The kind of inflammation that hurts to the touch. ALL. OVER. MY. FACE. It hurt to smile. It hurt to cry. It deformed the frame of my face. And it was bright red, alerting all those who looked my way to look away because it was unsightly. I literally felt people feel bad for me without them having to say anything. I sensed their pity for what could have been such a pretty face if it had not been for the massive zits holding it hostage. No matter how many times I washed my face, I felt dirty. Because the ruptures on my face bled easily. And the hot tears from both the physical and emotional pain would literally burn as they fell. I felt powerless over my condition and I struggled in silence. I hid when I could.

But I had to find a way to FACE THE WORLD (pun intended).

There was no getting around the fact that I had to look people in the eyes with my imperfections on display for all to see. And as uncomfortable as that was, it was oddly empowering and strangely liberating. It created an opportunity for the deeper parts of me that transcended my physical appearance to shine through. I had acne but I had to decide that it wouldn’t have me. I knew that I had inherited the condition genetically from my biological father (Thanks, dad) but I also knew that healing was mine by divine right through my spiritual father. So I decided that I wasn’t going to let what I saw when I looked in the mirror stop me. I would pray daily by placing my hands over my face and thanking God for the clear skin that I could not yet see. Then I acted like it was already done and went about my day.

Eventually, my skin DID heal. And I have the acne scars to prove it. But I don’t see them as mere scars.

They represent my victories in the battlefield of beauty. They are my beauty marks. And I honor them.

Because my skin has been through some stuff just like my soul has. And my skin has overcome just like my soul has. Now both my skin and my soul GLOW….

So when someone gives you a compliment, say “thank you”. Don’t shut it down. Don’t dismiss it. Accept it. Receive it. Own it.

Your beauty is unique to you. And NO ONE can rock it quite like you can. It’s custom made to suit you and ONLY YOU. So embrace yourself, flaws and all.